The Akatsuki Stories III: Fututsuka
by SecondAsian
Summary: Third installment of the Akatsuki stories! Hot off the presses! Also see The Akatsuki Stories, and Akatsuki Stories II: Akatsuki Reborn! Updates: ORGANIZATION IDOL: SEASON 2!
1. New Beginnings Part 1: Itachi

**Akatsuki Stories III: **_**Fututsuka**_

Disclaimer: All events in this story have been acted out by chickens dressed like turkeys.

**Chapter I**

**New Beginnings**

**Part I: Itachi**

Itachi went down a tunnel as he follwed Konan and the Peins to their lair.

" Are we there yet?" asked Fat Pein.

"No." said Konan.

"Now?" asked First Pein.

" No." said Konan, annoyed.

" Now?" asked Spiky Head Pein.

" No!" yelled Konan, about to turn them into paper.

" Now?" asked Itachi.

" Of course, Itachi!" Konan said.

She opened a hatch and Itachi gazed at the lair. It was a metallic room filled with gadgets and jutsu scrolls. The floor was painted with a peirced flower. It was a dream...

" Uh, Itachi?" Big Jaw Pein poked Itachi so hard, he Tsukuyomi'd him!

TSUKUYOMI REALM

Big Jaw Pein was tied to a chair with Fat Pein. Three guys in black suits were standing in front of him.

" Oh no!" he cried, " Not this movie!"

" Where's the Punisher?" asked one of them.

" In the basement! In the basement!" sobbed BJ Pein.

" So you won't tell?" said the man, " Fine then. Remy, the pliers."

" I just told you! In the basement! The elevator's behind you!" BJ Pein cried more.

But it was too late.

" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!!!"

They ripped each peircing out viciously, leaving hardly any skin on his face.

It's no over yet." said Itachi, " Wait a minute! BIG JAW? YOU scared me?"

" Of course, you !" screamed BJ Pein, " Now untie me!"

JUTSU END

Big Jaw fell to the floor, grabbing his face.

" THE HORROR!" He screamed, " THE HORROR!!"

" All the Peins hate "The Punisher" movie." Konan whispered into Itachi's ear, " They say it's "inhumane"."

Itachi sweatdropped. He walked i and the room echoed.

" THIS is the lair?" asked Itachi, " My old lair was a cave with a small TV and refrigerator!"

" Actually," said Konan," This is the Employee's Lounge. If you want to be part of the Fututsuka, you have to work at the store above!"

" So, would you like to join?" asked Long Hair Pein.

" Sure." said Itachi," Just keep me away from staples. I had a bad experience as a child...

FLASHBACK

5-year old Itachi was in Konoha Kindergarten, and he was making a painting.

" I call thee, Tsukuyomi Land"!" cried Itachi.

It was a black moon against a red sky.

" Good work, Itachi!" said Tsunade, who was the teacher," How about I staple it to your shirt?"

He nodded. Tsunade got out the stapler and...

"OOWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Blood was seeping out of his shirt. Then, the Third Hokage entered the room.

" Tsunade!"he yelled," For the last time, we use SAFETY PINS, NOT STAPLES!"

So Tsunade was fired and met a guy named Dan.

FLASHBACK END

" Ow." said First Pein.

" But you have no choice but to work with staples." explained Konan, " The names of the store is STAPLES."

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"yelled Itachi.

" We CAN give him the one job not involving staples!" said Fat Pein.

Itachi screamed.

The Fututsuka gathered around and explained the situations. Over and over, Itachi screamed as he rocked back and forth in the Fetal Position.

" All right, then!" said Konan, " Itachi your Staples-"

"AAAH!"

"-new Door man!

So Itachi held the door open for everybody because Konan was too cheap to get an automatic door.

And that's how Itachi began his new adventure!

**To Be Continued...**


	2. New Beginnings Part 2: Sasuke,Toki, & Ti

**ASIII:**_**F**_

Disclaimer: No rabbits were harmed by Micheal Jackson permanenetly.

**Chapter II**

**New Beginnings**

**Part II: Sasuke & Toki & Ti**

Sasuke and Ti were walking up front, while Toki was lounging at the lake a few feet behind.

" Hurry up and take bath already." said Ti," That's the whole reason we stopped here."

" But there's a hobo on the other side of the lake!" yelled Toki," What if he sees it?"

" Don't worry." said Sasuke," You'll be fine. Ti, come on. We're going to get a head start."

" See ya, Toki." And they left him.

As Toki undressed from his Akatsuki trainee shirt, he saw 12 shadows buzzing around him.

" What the-" But one shadow covered his mouth and the rest took him away, leaving his shirt behind.

SASUKE & TI

" Hey, where's Toki?" asked Ti," He should have caught up with us by now."

" Don't worry." said Sasuke," H's probably just beating up the hobo with his 'special powers'."

" Well, I'm checking on him." said Ti," He's my brother, and even though I'm calm and collected, there's also the devil-may-care side of me."

So Sasuke was alone as he waited on the boulder for Toki and Ti.

TOKI

When the bag was removed from his head, he fond himself surrounded by a pink-haired girl, a blue-haired one, a blonde one, and a cinnamon-bun headed one.

" Who are you?" he asked, about to release his 'powers'.

" Our names are Sakura Haruno."

" Um...Hinata."

"Ino."

" Tenten."

" Wait a minute!" said Toki," I got captured by GIRLS!?"

" Yep!" said Tenten, the bun-haired girl," We saw you with Sasuke, so tell us, where is he?"

" I won't tell you nuttin, girlfriend!" said Toki.

Sakura slapped him," Don't talk street. That joke's like, 27 chapters old! Now you slap him, Hinata!"

" Why are we slapping him?" asked the shy girl.

" For information!" yelled Ino," My turn!"

SMACK!

" Right in the kisser!" yelled Tenten," MY turn, now!

SLASH!

" OW!" Toki was bleeding now, three shuriken scratches across his cheek.

" Look what you did!" yelled Sakura," You hurt the prisoner!"

" Hey, he's a prisoner! We can torture him if we want to!" yelled Ino.

" Ino-pig!"

"Flat-chest!"

The grand catfight began.

Now let's go check on Ti!

TI

Ti was at the lake, searching for his bro.

" Toki!" he yelled.

Nothing. He sighed," He's gone, I guess."

He was just about to leave when four shadows surrounded him. He activated his Kekkai Genkai(unknown) and fought.

One of them had spiky white hair and a mask. The other, sunglasses and a coat. The next, a guy in a green spandex jumpsuit that burned his eyes. And finally, another guy with a monster dog.

" This is gonna be tough." he sighed," Earth Clones."

He summoned up 10 Earth clones and the battle began!

SASUKE

" Damn, I hate waiting." the emo said.

He looked in his pack.

" No food."

Suddenly, four shapes came and crushed the boulder!

" HUH?" Sasuke fell to the ground and drew his sword.

Surrounding him were Neji, Shikamaru,Chouji, and NARUTO!

" Naruto?"

" SASUKE!!" The blonde boy charged at him and clawed at his face.

He missed and Sasuke brought him down. The other three joined in and Sasuke realized he needed his assistants.

**To Be Continued...**

Looks like Sasuke's found! I guess that ruins Naruto's new beginning! But I'm still making one! WHAT'S WITH ALL THE EXCLAMATIONS!!!!!!!!


	3. New Beginnings Part 3: Naruto

**ASIII:**_**F**_

Disclaimer: Can't think of anything funny, so move on, Crabloid!

**Chapter III**

**New Beginnings**

**Part III: Naruto**

" There's Sasuke!" yelled Neji.

" Now let's get h-mph!" yelled Naruto.

" SHHH!" shhed Neji.

Sasuke turned around in their direction, but continued on to the lake.

" You'll get us caught!" whispered Shikamaru," Before we get Sasuke, we have to know more about his partners."

So they sent the girls to fetch the Naruto-like one and Kakashi, Kiba, Shino, and Lee took the Sasuke-like one. And Naruto, Neji, Shikamaru, and Chouji took Sasuke.

GIRLS

" Do you got the bag?" asked Sakura.

Tenten lifted up a bag that said, Prisoner of Love.

" No, not the Sasuke bag!" said Sakura," the Prisoner bag!"

Hinata lifted a brown bag that said 'Retard'.

" Perfect!"

They got in postition behind the trees and had no idea the boy was about to bathe.

" Alright, no- WHAT'S HE DOING?" asked Ino.

" Looks like he's stripping for that hobo." said Tenten.

" The hobo seems to be entertained." said Hinata.

Everyone stared at her.

" Alright then, Attack!"

They moved in and bagged him!

" We got him!" they said.

Then, they went to the trees to intimidate him.

COOL,DOG,BUG, AND GEEK

The four watched as Ti called out he name of his brother.

" Toki must be the Naruto-like assistant." cocluded Kakashi.

" Or a lost cat." said Kiba.

" All right then, ATTACK!"

They jumped out and fought with the boy. Kiba jumped in first on Akamaru and Ti's clones sent him flying off the dog. Akamaru then panicked and rammed Shino, killing the bugs on his front.

" CHARLIE! LESTOR!!" yelled Shino.

Ti then prepared for combat with Lee. They fought, predicting each other's moves until Ti summoned his weapon: a frozen spear.

" EAT FREEZER BURN!" he yelled.

He shot a frost blast from the spear and Lee fell to the ground, unconcious.

" Well, I guess it's my turn." said Kakshi, putting his book away.

Ti could sense Kakshi was stronger, but he stood his ground. Kakashi fought off the ice blasts with one kunai after another, each freezing or breaking in his hands. After all his kunai were gone, he summoned his dogs. They tried to keep Ti down, but he substituted and froze Kakashi's legs blank point.

" AAAH!" He screamed and fell down.

" Wait till they thaw." said Ti," Then you can fight me again."

He then left the disabled Kakashi to aid Sasuke, who was in trouble.

FOX,SLOTH,X-RAY, & MUNCHIES

The battle began between them and Sasuke fended them off long enough to slice down a tree.

" TIMBER!" he yelled.

The tree slid down and trapped Shikamaru.

" Trees are so troublesome." said Shikamaru.

Choji tried to avenge Shika with Human Boulder, but Sasuke just blew him away.

" WAAH!!" yelled Choji as he was scorched by Sasuke's fire.

Neji came up next and began his Eight Trigrams. Sasuke dodged everymove and did his own version, causing the long-haired boy to collapse.

" Guess it's just you and me, eh, Naruto?" asked Sasuke.

" You know, this story is becoming a Drama story extremely quickly." said Naruto," Now DIE!"

Just before Naruto landed his uppercut, Ti came and pulled Naruto to the ground with his clones.

" Ti!" cried Sasuke," Where were you?"

" Fighting off Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Chuck Norris, and Chuck E. Cheese." said Ti.

" You beat Kakashi-sensei?" asked Naruto in surprise.

This gave Sasuke an opening, where he landed a blow square on the jaw, sending Naruto flying to a boulder.

SMASH!

After Sasuke left to find Ti, Naruto regrouped with his team.

" Now men and women.."he began," I failed. But I promise you soon, Sasuke Uchuha WILL come back!"

Everyone cheered and Sakura stepped on Kakashi's legs.

Ka-CRACK!

" Ow." said Kakashi simply.

**To Be Continued...**

Great News! Now that Akatsuki Stories has a plot, it'll say TBC every single time until the plot ends!(:


	4. Reptile

**ASIII:**_**F**_

Disclaimer: I do not claim anything! Except cheese...

**Chapter IV**

**Reptile**

Sasuke, Toki, and Ti had reunited and were walking down the path again.

" How come I was attacked by weirdos while Toki got to watch a catfight?" muttered Ti.

" Man, that catfight was awesome!"yelled Toki," They were pulling eachother's hair and rolling down the hill!"

" Shh!" said Sasuke," something's coming!"

They remained still and a ninja in a black suit approached them.

" Greetings." he said," You seem to want to exit the forest."

" Yeah!" said Toki," We're gonna find Itachi!"  
Sasuke covered Toki's mouth. The ninja then said something else.

" Itachi?" he asked," Itachi UCHIHA?"

" Of course, dimwit!" yelled Ti," He's this guy's big bro-MPH!"

Sasuke covered Ti's mouth, and the ninja said something else.

" Because of these conditions," he began," I cannot allow you to leave."

" Why not?" asked Sasuke," I've been searching for years."

" It's just life." he said," BUT. If you beat me, you can go on."

" All right, then." said Sasuke," I accept."

" OK!" The ninja ripped off his mask to reveal a lizard!

The ground lifted as Sasuke and the lizard were rising in the air. When they were 10 feet above ground, a voice cried out," MORTAL KOMBAT!"

As the lizard approached, Sasuke asked something.

" If I have to fight you, then at least tell me your name."

"Reptile."

He jumped in the air and slammed his heel on Sasuke's head.

" Ah!" The boy fell down, blood flowing from his head.

" My turn!" He did the signs and did a Fireball Tecnique.

He blew fire and burnt Reptile's arm off.

" AAAGH!!!" Reptile jumped back and screamed," Impressive, but not a scratch!"

Instantly, Reptile's arm grew back!

" I'm dead." said the emo.

" HIYA!" Reptile threw a barrage of punches at Sasuke, none connecting.

Sasuke drew his sword and sliced at his enemy's arm, cutting it off and his tail.

Reptile screamed more, as they both grew back. He then laughed.

" Dang."

" Let's make this a fair fight." said Reptile.

He drew a blade and charged at Sasuke. Metal hit metal as they danced around the block of land.

" Now let's make it unfair again!" yelled Reptile.

He disappeared, but the sword was still floating!

Sasuke tried to hit the invisible foe, but Reptile stabbed Sasuke's shoulder.

" GWAAAAAAAAAGH!" he screamed in pain.

His left arm was completely useless now.

" Goodbye, Uchiha!" yelled Reptile as he brought down his sword.

" This is it." thought Sasuke," Reduced to a pile of mincemeat. What will I tell Toki and Ti? Wait a minute. That's it!"

Sasuke substituted right before the blow and charged up two Chidoris: one for his hand and one for his sword.

He charged forward and punched Reptile through the chest. Before the villain could react, Sasuke sliced his head off, the lightning causing the head to explode!

BOOOM!!!!!!!

The headless lizard fell down, and the same voice said" SASUKE WINS, FATALIY."

The platform fell and Sasuke returned to his friends.

" Did you beat him?" asked Toki anxiously.

Ti slapped him on the back of the head," Of course he won, idiot! He's alive!"

" Too bad I couldn't get any information out of him, though." said Sasuke," How does he know brother?"

They followed the path out of the forest and into a town. A very familiar town...

**To Be Continued...**


	5. Set Sail For Boston!

**ASIII:**_**F**_

Disclaimer: I HATE VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!!

**Chapter V**

**Set Sail For Boston!**

It was just another day at Staples. The Peins were messing around and Konan was yelling to people on the people on the phone. Itachi was holding the door open when Kakashi walked past him.

SLICE!

Itachi had sliced Kakashi in the gut.

" AAH!" Kakashi fell down, blleding," What are you doing? I just got attacked by some freak with an ice spear and now I'm stabbed by doormen?"

" Sorry." said Itachi," Your time has come."

TSUKUYOMI

Kakashi was tied up to a post again, but Itachi did something even MORE horrible.

" NOOO!"

Itachi was ripping up Kakashi's book!

" THE HORROR! I DIDN'T FIND OUT IF THE DITCH DIGGER MARRIED THE SKELETON'S GIRLFRIEND!"

REAL WORLD

Kakashi fell down in the featle position.

" Itachi!" First Pein walked over," That's the thord person you've Tsukuyomi'd in half an hour!"

" Sorry." said Itachi," I'm bored."

" Then this'll cheer you up!" Konan ran over," One of the people I was yelling at on the phone was Mr. Moseby! He said that bandits have been robbing the Tipton. So he wants a new doorman!"

" But isn't the Tipton in BOSTON?" asked Itachi.

" Yep!"

" I ain't going." said Itachi," I'm staying loyal to the Fututsuka."

" They're paying $10,000 for every guy you beat up."

Yen signs appeared in Itachi's eyes," I'm in."

" Great!" said Konan," start packing up, cause you're going to Boston!"

AFTER PACKING

Today was the day. Itachi would leave Japan and go to America on a ship.

" Do you have your toothbrush?" asked Konan.

" Yes."

" Picture of dead puppy?"

" Yes."

" Are you wearing a-"

" Yes! Stop asking me stuff like that!"

" But I gave it to you!"

" I don't care! It's kind of snug though."

Konan sweatdropped. Itachi went on the steps, but three people were running towards him.

" ITACHI!" they yelled.

" It's some little kids and your brother!" said Konan.

" I'm dead." said Itachi," The boat doesn't move till 5 minutes from now."

" I'll hold them off!" said Konan," You get on that ship!"

" But a lot can happen in 5 minutes!" said Itachi," Sasuke happened in 5 minutes!"

" RAAAH!" Sasuke and his team were getting closer.

" Go!" Konan pushed Itachi up the steps and faced off with Sasuke.

" Get out of my way!" yelled the Uchiha," I'm after HIM!"

" Yeah!" yelled Toki," Sasuke wants to fight my dad!"

" HUH?" Sasuke looked down on him, then at Ti.

" Hey, I didn't know." the cool Ti said.

" Anyways, LET's GO!" Toki jumped off Konan's shoulder and was flting towards the deck.

" Oh no!" yelled Konan.

Ti was just about to do the same trick, but Konan punched him in the face.

" BACK OFF!" Sasuke slashed at Konan's head, cutting her bun, and jumped towards the deck.

But it was too late. The ship had sailed towards America.

" No." said Sasuke," I WAS SO CLOSE!"

" At least Toki can kill him." said Ti," Come on, I saw a razor that would make wonderful zigzags.

They walked away and Konan waved goodbye to the ship.

**To Be Continued...**


	6. Second Ecounters Are Like Yo Mama Fights

**ASIII:**_**F**_

Disclaimer:These figments of imagination will gas after you read the following.

**Chapter VI**

**Second Encounters**

Neji and Shikamaru were walking down the same street as Ti and Sasuke at that exact moment.

" I don't get it." said Neji," How come a strange voice is following us everywhere we go?"

" At least we get someone to talk to." sighed Shika," Real people are troublesome.

And at that exact moment, Sasuke and Ti were walking down the street, too.

" I can't believe they sold that razor to the guy with the eye patch!" complained Ti," I was going to use it at my Bar Mitzvah!"

" I didn't know you were Jewish." said Sasuke.

" Me neither."

Sasuke sweatdropped and Neji slipped on the floor, crushing a cat.

" Miss Tuffy!" cried an old lady," Get off her, you she-demon!"

This is akward." said Neji," OW!"

The old lady kept on banging Neji with a Diet Pepsi can until Ti stabbed her with his ice spear.

" She was annoying." he said simply.

" It's Sasuke!" yelled Shikamaru," Get him, Spartans!"

Suddenly, 300 Spartans came running down the street with spears, skewering many innocent people.

" There are too many cameos in this show." whined Neji.

Shika pulled him away as the gladiators charged at him.

" Get behind me!" said Ti.

The boy drew his spear and froze a row of Spartans, all shattering.

" Spartans!" yelled Leonidas," Tonight, we dine in- wait a sec. Are you Persians?"

" No." said the emo( Sasuke the emo, not Ti the emo).

" Awww!" The army marched away, sad.

" Spartans!" yelled Leonidas," Tonight, we die, at Ichiraku's!"

They marched away, leaving Sasuke and Ti against Neji and Shika.

" Well, well." said Sasuke," Looks like the latest idiot I've seen today."

" Me or him?" asked Neji," I'm the genius, right?"

" I am!" yelled Shikamaru.

" At least I'm better looking!" yelled Neji," You look like a geek!"

" You're wearing a dress!" yelled Shika," Did you get it from yo mama?"

"OOOh!" went the sudden crowd.

" What'd you say 'bout ma mama?" asked Neji.

" I said, yo mama so fat, she made Jabba the Hutt say " Dang!""

" Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline!"

" Yo mama so ugly, the plastic surgeon sued HER!"

" OOOH!"

The two went deeper when Shikmaru said the most terrifying thing:

" Yo mama so dumb, you ain't a brown, you a blonde!"

" OH!!!"

Neji slid down in shame, and melted into a pile of Sprite.

" That doesn't make sense." pointed out Sasuke.

" It doesn't said Shika," Now surrender. I don't want to fight."

" Try me." Ti sliced off Shika's leg and it shattered into dust.

" DA GOVANMENT TOOK MY LEGS!!" Pineapple Head screamed.

As he kept screaming, Sasuke and Ti slipped into Staples.

" WE GOT YOU NOW!"

Huh?"

**To Be Continued...**


	7. What's this Ship's Name Again?

**ASIII:**_**F**_

Disclaimer: No anchovy has not caused butts to explode.

**Chapter VII**

**What Was The Ship's Name Again?**

" Passngers!" yelled the interco on the ship," We'll be in Boston in 10 hours. Please enjoy the shuffleboard games for old people and prune juice drinking contest for older people!"

Itachi was steaming mad. How could he have gotten on the wrong ship?

FLASHY BACKY

Itachi was packing his stuff when Fat Pein barged in.

" Hey Itachi!" he yelled.

" Hey Fatty."

" Me and the guys werer making a song for your trip!"

Itachi rolled his eyes," Just leave me alone, I have to board the SS Tipton in 2 hours."

" Right. Come in, guys!"

The Peins came in and played a familiar song.

_So if we all come together_

_We know what to do._

_We all come together just to sing we love you_

_And if we all come together_

_We know what to do_

_We all come together just for you!_

They stopped and smiled.

" Did you like it?" asked First Pein.

" That's your song." explained Itachi.

" Yep!"

" This is so clique."

END

The Peins' song distracted him so much he boarded the SS, he couldn't read the rest of the name because it was scraped off.

" Hey, Itachi!" Toki was right next to him.

" What do you want?"

" I'm here to challenge you to a laxative eating contest!" said Toki," First one to poop wins!"  
Itachi sweatdropped and an old man fell.

" My back!" screamed the old man," It's healed! Everybody mambo!"

WARNING: THIS SCENE WAS CUT OUT DUE TO SERIOUS MAMBOING.

" I hate mambos." said Itachi," There's no slitting or emoness."

" You're weird, you know that?"

" ICEBERG!" screamed the captain, running down the bow," IT'S LIKE LAST TIME!"

" Last time?" wondered Itachi and Toki.

The old people scattered and slowly made their way to the bow.

" We're too young to die!" yelled the old man," I didn't see through the gate to DeVry!"

The iceberg got closer and the left side of the ship tore away.

" NOT THE BUFFET!" screamed an old guy.

" At least now the iceberg is behind us!" said the captain, relieved.

" But we're sinking." explained Itachi," We're still gonna die, but slowly."

" At least I still have pie!" yelled Toki.

He pulled out an apple pie, only to be eaten by a tiny PacMan.

" We're hopeless!" he screamed.

" I guess now is the scene where the main character does something that doesn't make sense to save the ship." said Itachi.

" You're gonna lick your elbow?" asked Toki in awe.

" Yes." Itachi ripped off his sleeve and tried desperatley to lick his elbow.

" Don't, Itachi!" cried Toki," If you lick that elbow, time will become undone! Hobos will dominate the world!"

It's a risk I'm willing to take!" Suddenly, as Itachi's tongue got closer to his elbow, lightning struck the iceberg, causing monkeys to rain from the ocean floor.

" See, Itachi?" explained Toki," Things don't even make any more sense then before! I'm begging you, don't lick your wenis!"

" But I have to!" yelled Itachi," I've always wanted to do it!"

As his taste buds approached the wenis closer and closer, pizza bagels began war with the Chalupas!

Then, a bunch of fanatics started cheering for their teams as the Sacramento Kings took on the New England Patriots in ice hockey!

" Almost there!" thought Itachi.

As the passengers were up to their knees in water and the people on wheelchairs rolled into the sea, Itachi was just a millimeter away from licking his wenis. Then, a n old guy exploded into tiny leprachauns, dancing to Crank Dat Souljia Boy.

" NO!!" screamed Toki, " The worst has come! Short people are dancing! Wait a minute, how come Vegeta, Frieza, and Zexion are dancing too?

" We're short!" they replied.

" I just like this song!" said Zexion.

" You monster, DIE!" Frieza and Vegeta beat Zexion to a bloody pulp.

The passengers were now up to their necks, people on walkers drowning.

But, as the great jocks VS kindergartners war broke ouy, Itachi's tongue hit his elbow!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Time was reversed, and Itachi was back at the harbor, deciding wether to board the ship or help Konan against his brother.

" I'm coming, Konan!" he yelled.

**To Be Continued...**


	8. Tobi Ruins Season Four

**ASIII:**_**F**_

Disclaimer: Zack and Cody have been overrated since the middle of Season 3.

**Chapter VIII**

**Tobi Spoils Season Four**

Itachi charged down the deck and attacked Sasuke.

" Woah!" said Ti," Itachi's fighting physically? Then that means the Akatsuki Stories have meaning!"

" What are you talking about?" grunted Itachi, since he was fighting off Sasuke's sword," I've been on this show the whole time and you've only been on it this season!"

" And I've been on this show forever!" said a voice.

Everyone gasped.

" TOBI!!??" It was true. Tobi was right behind Itachi.

" Tobi what are you doing here!?" scolded Itachi," You're going to spoil the plot!"

" There's a plot this time!?" gasped Tobi," Is it the one where the two kids have to win a Battle of the Bands?"

" See? You spoiled the alternate timeline of Season Four!" yelled Sasuke," I'LL KILL YOU!"

He jumped up and stabbed Tobi through the "lower area".

" Ha ha!" said Tobi," There's nothing there!"

" What!?" gasped Sasuke.

" I HAVE no appendix!" cried Tobi.

" OK, this series makes no sense." said Sasuke," I'm outta here!"

Sasuke walked off the set and went towrds the narrator's office. He opened the curtain and started stabbing like crazy at the-

Hello, this is Sasuke Uchiha, and I'M the new narrator! So, this is how it went...

STORY

Itachi was taken away by emos and Sasuke was beating up the idiot Tobi.

" Surrender, fool!" The graceful emo Sasuke yelled.

" CUT!!"  
SET

"UCHIHA!!"  
Shippu marched down to the narrator's office to find his brother, Den, dead.

" DEN!" cried Shippu," You monster! To avenge my brother's death and honor, I shall challenge you to a children's card game!"  
" Fine then!" Sasuke drew his deck and summoned Emo Knife in Attack Mode.

Emo Knife:Stars:

AP:1500

DP:0

" I summon Slifer the Executive Producer in attack mode too! I also equip beret and director's chair!

Slifer The Executive Producer:AP:50000DP:1000

" Now, attack his wimpy knife!"

" NO!"

But while the producer was firing the knife off his set, Shippu ran away and started a new chapter. Cause Tobi ruined this one.

**To Be Continued...(Not from this part, though!)**

So this chapter never happened. Are we clear on that? Be discreet. No touchie. Also, this is officialy a crossover now! I'll definitely use Mortal Kombat and Organization XIII again!


	9. Organization Idol: Season 2

**ASIII:**_**F**_

Disclaimer:Tobi has been fired off the set of The Akatsuki Stories.

**Chapter Whatever**

**Organization Idol II!**

While Sasuke was crying after losing a children's card game, Itachi went back to work at Staples and told the story to the Peins.

" You have a brother?" asked Long Hair.

" You have a son!?" cried Spiky Hair," That's impossible! Konan gave you a-"

SLAP!

Konan slapped him before he could say the C word.

" Anyway, let's go back to work!" said Konan," SO WORK, SLAVES!"

They all ran as Konan drew a whip and whipped them in the cups. That was the word. Cups, not condoms. Cups.

Itachi was opening the door again when a man with red spiky hair walked through.

"HEY!" Itachi turned him around and it was... RONALD MCDONALD'S EMO SON!?

" Life is meaningless without fast food." he droned on as he slit himself with a spatula.

" Go on." sighed Itachi.

" May I take your blood?" said the boy as he walked on.

Then, Axel walked through the door as Larxene followed.

" Wait a minute!" said Itachi.

He looked at Axel suspiciously," Do you owe me money?"

"Uh...no?" said Axel.

" Good!" Axel and Larxene walked on, Itachi never noticing Larxene's middle finger pointing at him.

IN KONAN'S OFFICE

Konan was counting her cash and gold when Axel and Larxene burst through the door.

" What do you want, ya mother-"

KA-BAGGED!

Axel and Larxene bagged her and opened a portal.

" You know, we could have just asked her to let them join." pointed out Larxene.

" But this is more fun!" complained Axel.

" Whatever."

They walked through the portal and suddenly, the electricity went out!

" What the-?" The Peins and Itachi ran to the office, finding it empty.

"Where's Konan?" asked Itachi.

Suddenly, a portal/screen appeared, with Xemnas on it!

" Holy (beep) on a (beep)in sandwich!"cried First Pein.

" Greetings Peins, Itachi." said Xemnas," I came here to inform you about my world's condition."

" I bet it's like your list of dates with women!" said Fat Pein," Empty!"

" OOOH!" went the Organization behind him.

" SHUT UP, ZEXION!" yelled Xemnas," Anyway, only 5 members of our Organization have survived: Me, Roxas, Axel, Larxene, and Zexion."

" Too bad." said Itachi," Now go live a life for once instead stealing all the Valentine's cards on Valentine's Day just beacause you want to be "whole"! Instead, go visit California, or some other mother(beep)in state and live there with 2.5 kids!!"

" I already tried that with my ex-girlfriend." said Xemnas," She ran away from me."

" I can see why." murmured Long Hair Pein.

" ANYWAY, we challenge you to yet ANOTHER Organization Idol!"

GASP!

" But, this time, other shows and video games will be there!"

KA-GASP!

Fat Pein fainted and Long Hair and Spiky Hair dragged him to the hospital.

" So, do you accept Itachi?" asked Xemnas.

" Hey, why are you asking HIM?" complained First Pein," I'M second in command!"

" Yes, but it's obvious Konan like Itachi more."

First Pein's face turned pale and fainted.

" Yes, I accept." said Itachi," But if we win, we get back Konan AND get our trophy back!"

" Alright then." said Xemnas," But if YOU lose, your hearts will be sealed into our special cloning machine and you shall turn into our new members!"

" Okay, okay!" said Itachi," Keep on talking like that and this'll sound like bad fanfic!"

So Itachi accepted and they went to the mystery location of Organization Idol: Season 2...

**To Be Continued...**

By the way, I am NOT a KonanxItachi fan! Neither am I a KonanxPein fan! So, no hate mail!


	10. Org Idol 2: New Host and Judgez!

**ASIII:**_**F**_

Disclaimer: I do nat own any anime or video game!

**Chapter X**

**The New Host & Judgez!**

IN THE STORY CAVE!

" I am sorry." said the doctor as he came out of the room," Shippu has died of writer's block."

"YAY!" The room cheered until Shippu appeared behind them.

" Hi, guys!" he said.

" WHY WON'T YOU DIE!!" They screamed.

A hobo got out a gun and shot him in the neck.

" I shall return, you nig-"

SHOOT!

The hobo shot again and he fell to the floor.

" YAY!"

"NOOO!" Slifer the Executive producer came in, sad," Now who's going to host Org. Idol!?"

" I will!"

GASP!

AT THE TOURNAMENT

Itachi and the Peins were outside the building along with other animes waiting for the door to open.

" That's it!!" yelled a dog demon in a red kimono(can you guess who it is?)" I'M TEARING THE DOOR DOWN!!"

" Let me do it!" said another demon in a red leather jacket( Who's this?)," I want to shoot it down!"

"RAAAH!" They both charged at the door and crashed into the new host.

BAM!

Everyone gasped," TOBI!!"

WARNING: THIS PART IS EXTREMELY RANDOM

" Yep!" He was alive," I like pudding!"

" Yes, we know." said the Peins.

" Can I join your team?" asked the oranged masked retard.

" No, your the host." explained Itachi," If there's no host, then there's no show. No show, no Konan. No Konan, no more Staples. No more Staples, no more office supplies. AKA, the world goes mad."

" So?"

Itachi sweatdropped and a kid with 3 different hair colors slipped.

" Hey, watch it!" said the kid," Don't make me mind crush you!"( Did you find out who it is?)

" Yugi!" A blond guy came over and helped the kid up.

" Weird." said Big Jaw," The Yugioh people are here."

" So are the Soul Reapers!" said Long hair.

" And the Straw Hat Crew."

" And Micheal Jackson!"

HUH?

They turned around and saw the REAL Micheal Jackson!

" Buzz off!" said Fat Pein.

" Thriller!" sang Micheal Jackson.( Hi! I like little kids!)

" Stop singing!" said Itachi," Don't make me sweatdrop!"

" Thriller Nights!" responded the pedo.( I own a chain of ToysRUs stores!)

" I warned you!" Itachi made a huge sweatdrop and it made Micheal Jackson fall on top of Yugi.

" Can't Stop Da Thriller!"( O goodie! An Asian!)

" Let's go already." said Long Hair," We're going off track. Hey, where's First Pein?"

They turned and saw not only a very intiment Micheal Jackson, but First Pein was onstage!

" Firstie, get down from there!" yelled Spiky," Someone could sweatdrop and you can break your neck!"

"Hello? Where's Konan?" asked Firstie trough the microphone.

" Please get off the stage." said Xemnas as he entered," I'm the host."

" Xemnas!" cried Firstie," Where are you holding her!?"

" The cups that are shaped like condoms?" asked Xemnas," They're with a blue haired paper girl."

" RAAH!" Firstie charged and stabbed Xemnas.

" I'm sorry, but now you're DECIMATED!"

Xemnas fired a missile from his nose and it blew up in hundreds of CORN DOGS!

" NO!!" Firstie collapsed, the fatty breaded meat thudding on top of him.

" Corn dogs!" yelled Fatty.

He went over and gobbled up the corn dogs and Firstie's foot.

" But the question is, which foot?" asked Firstie.

AFTER ALL RANDOMNESS WAS OVER

" Wait a minute." said Tpbi," If he's the host, I can join your team!"

" NOOOOOOOOOO!!"

" And so, the first round begins! But first, there can only be five teams, two people each."

Everyone was paired up like this:

TEAM FUTUTSUKA: Itachi & Tobi

TEAM UCHIHA: Sasuke & Toki

STRAW HAT CREW: Luffy & Chopper

TEAM YUGIOH: Yugi & Yami( Real name is--)

TEAM RED: Inu & Dante( Those were the guys in red!)

The lame, non-combat karoke contest begins!

**TO BE CONTINUED...**

BTW...JUDGEZ!

Simon-like judge: Jiraiya

Frank-like judge: Orochimaru

Paula-like judgette: Tsunade


	11. SUBLIMINAL MESSAGING 2

**ASIII:F**

DISSclaimer:Yo mama so fat, when she went on a scale, it said to be continued!

**SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES 2**

**Message 1:**

**Tsunade Fanservice**

**By Jiraiya and Orochi**

Jiraiya: Hey guys! Are you lonely because no one is lying beside you on that big queen-sized bed?

Orochi: Or did your mate die by a sudden snake attack?(Whispering to self: Sorry about that.)

Jiraiya: Well you can change that by calling JO'S HOkage Fanservice!

Orochi: For a small fee, you can get down with a lady with a rack you can do Shakespeare, Mozart, and Snoop Dog from all at the same time!

Jiraiya: So call us at 1-800-BIG-RACK today!

Orochi: (Fast:)Hourly fee is 19.95 and enough money for life insurance from punch holes in our faces.

Tsunade: JIRAIYA!! OROCHIMARU!

O&J: RUN!!

**Message 2:**

**SuperSlits**

**By Toki and Ti**

Toki: Hi guys! Are you so emo, you won't even bother to pick up that razor?

Ti: Or do satanic designs on your skin and squeeze the slit so hard, you'll see your meat popping out?

Toki: (To Ti)Seriously dude, turn off the emo. Anyway, that can change just by one trip to Superslits!

Ti: Our wristslitters use antique razors and even have a variety of things to add the pain!

Toki: Such as salt! (Slits self and pours salt in wound) OW!

Ti: Barbed wire.( Does same thing with wire) AAH!

Toki: And don't forget vinegar!AAAH!( Says satanic words)

Ti: Or you can call us at 1-800-MUS-TCUT and we will send our pro emos to come over and perform a gothic ritual with you!

Toki: Fees begin at 9.99 an emo. Rates go higher if emo gets high or dies.

Sasuke: YAY! My first line!

**Message 3:**

**Temari's Fans,Air Conditioning and Beyond**

**By Gaara and Kankuro**

Kankuro: Hey! Is it summer and it's so hot, you have to sit on a block of iced ice in a freezer?

Gaara: But it's winter.

Kankuro: Shut up! Im trying to make a sale! Anyway, that can change by going to Temari's Fans,Air Conditionong, and Beyond! Choose from a variety of fans that have been known to kill and air conditioning that fires burrito beans out every five minutes!

Gaara: Can we go to Build-A-Bear now?

Kankuro: Shut up, go play with Rupert! Anyway, Beyond has many different kinds of things!

Gaara: But Rupert was kidnapped! Some other baby who wants to destroy the world has him!

Kankuro: I SAID SHUT UP! You know what? I'm out of here!

Temari: Kankuro, are you selling my fans on Ebay again!?

Kankuro: No, I'm selling them outside Bed, Bath and Beyond!

**Message 4:**

**Foamy's Card Cult**

**By Sasuke:**

Sasuke: Attention all. I am here to sing for my suffer, and collect money! For the almighty Church of Foamy! And I know none of you will pay me so what I'm going to do is entertain you with song.

_I will kill you all_

_Nothing you can do about it_

_I will kill you all_

_Nothing you could do about it_

_Squirrely Wrath_

_Squirrely Wrath_

_Squirrely Wrath_

_You're all gonna die_

_You're all gonna die_

_Squirrely Wrath_

_Squirrely Wrath_

Sasuke: I know it wasn't the best song to pick but, you cheap bast! You know what? I'll just sing the next song! Here we go.

_I am the lord and master_

_You all are bast_

_Worship me_

_Or I'll stab your eyes till they bleed_

_I am the lord and master_

That's me, you son of a . Now give me money! Money, money! Mmmm, yeah! Cheap bast#. All right, this next song is because I am an emo squirrel!

_I am a squirrel_

_You're not_

_How pathetic you are_

_So I'm a squirrel_

_You're not_

_You're just human_

_How pathetic you are'You don't have a bloody tail_

_You don;t have Squirrely Wrath_

_You just build to destroy _

_While I_

_Collect some Nuts_

_And you all_

_SUCK!_

Now that was a great song! Probably worthy of a few..NICKELS!(Takes out Starbucks cup) I;m just going to put my change cup here. Yeah, that's right, cross the street so you don't have to deal with me.(Points at Itachi as he crosses street to next chapter)

**MESSAGES INTERRUPTED! CHAPTER BEGGINING IN 5...4...3...2...**


	12. Org Idol 2: Fututsuka Vs Red

**ASIII:**_**F**_

Disclaimer: No squirrels were harmed by Bakura in this fanfic.

**Chapter Too Lazy To Put In**

**Yugi VS Rudolph's Cousin**

" Welcome back to Org. Idol!" said Zexion," I'm Zex, and it is not a pun because I am a virgin, people!"

Crickets.

" Anyway, our first guest is Yugi Moto, the "social" prebuscent hobbit that plays card games that can kill people!"

" Hi everyone!" said Yugi," Today is going to be super special awesome!"

" Just start the song, you wanker!" said Bakura in the bleachers.

" This song is dedicated to my hate of fangirls!" said Yugi.

_We hate you_

_Here_

_We hate you_

_My dear_

_You've fawned over yourself _

_As if you knew dispair_

_I'm opening old wounds_

_And pouring salt in there_

_We hate you_

_We hate you_

_Here_

_Drop dead!_

Yugi bowed and suddenly, every fangirl through Canadian bacon at him.

" This is ham!" pointed out Yugi.

" Judges?"

Jiraiya: Characteristics like that come a lot, fellow, so your voice is "common".

Orochi: I liked it! What does that mean anyway, Jirai?

Tsunade: Did you just call him Jirai?

Orochi: Yep!

Tsunade: (sweatdrop)

" I guess it's 2/3." said Zex," Now here comes a dumb animal who wants to become a doctor, it's Rudolph's midget cousin!"

" It's Chopper!" said Chopper," And my song is dedicated to Goofy Goobers!"

_I'm a Goofy Goober!_

_**Spongebob:**__ ROCK!_

_You're a Goofy Goober_

_**Patrick:**__ ROCK!_

_We're all Goofy Goobers!_

_**Spongebob and Patrick: **__ROCK!_

_Goofy, Goofy, Goofy Goober_

_**Peanut guy: **__ROCK!_

_Put your toys away_

_Something something, NO WAY!_

_**French Narrator: **__WAY!_

_No freakin, freakin, way_

_If you ever want to be a guy like me_

_Go ahead and try_

_The kid inside_

_Will set you free!_

_Ag a sholp a Wing op ca scoo_

_I'm a Goofy Goober!_

_**Spongebob:**__ROCK!_

_You're a Goofy Goober!_

_**Patrick:**__ROCK!_

_We're all Goofy Goobers!_

_ROCK!_

" Wait a minute." said Evil Bakura," I'm a Satanist, not a Goober!"

He prepared to shoot a laser beam through his ring when Chopper blasted his leg off with the power of his guitar laser beams.

" LASER FIGHT!" Bakura yelled.

They shot the beams at each other, Chopper's winning.

" Time to cheat." Bakura pulled out a Millenium Eye and it shot Chopper's head off, disqualifying him from the tournament.

" That was weird." said Zex," Well, Team Yugioh wins by default, and watch us next time as Toki takes on Itachi, his father, in our new MORTAL KOMBAT ARENA!

**STANDINGS**

FUTUTSUKA

Itachi

--

UCHIHA

Sasuke

Toki

STRAW HAT CREW

Luffy

--

RED

Dante

Inu

YUGIOH

Yami

Yugi


End file.
